I sure did!
THE FIRST 43 YEARS
I was raised from babyhood as a Jehovah's Witness* (JW).
From the womb I was told that one day very soon, the earth will be transformed into a paradise (basically a worldwide jungle park) by the hand of God, and that when that happens I'll have my very own vine and fig tree, a beautiful custom home, perfect health, a sexy life partner, endless friends, a deep sense of peace and fulfillment, everlasting life (with a pet Killer Whale if I wanted it), eternal youth, and most importantly, a close, friend-level connection with God himself.
It's worth pointing out that this was never presented to me as a maybe, but as a certainty, as long as I was willing to comply with non-negotiable directives found in the Bible, interpreted and applied by a special group of 8-15 God-directed men in New York, known to JW's as the Governing Body (GB). My entire life I was told that postponing dreams to that future paradise earth was the most sensible way to live, resulting in a life path featuring a 3-month horizon, endlessly postponing and punting down the field the creation and experience of our deepest desires.
I got baptized at the age of 15—making my personal adoption of these tenets official, and then invested the next 27 years deeply involved in the JW organization.
I spent 17 of those years in what JW's call full-time service, including 13 years as a pioneer (which meant I volunteered 70-90 hours a month helping strangers learn about God), and 4 years at the Canadian headquarters called Bethel, where I volunteered alongside 500 other people, working as a waiter first and then a cook.
I was appointed as a JW elder in my late 20s and for the next 13 years enjoyed the various included roles of shepherd, teacher and judge, eventually being appointed as a the Coordinator of the local Body of Elders (COBE) for the 100-person congregation my ex and I were part of. I taught often from stages and received valuable training on clear thinking, powerful argumentation and effective presentation.
A dozen times I addressed audiences of 1000 people or so at events that JWs call Circuit Assemblies or Special Assembly Days, and a few times spoke to groups of 4400 people at 3-day annual events JWs call District Conventions.
This was all for free, as a volunteer.
THE NEXT 4 YEARS
On my 43rd birthday in December 2016, I was publicly ex-communicated.
Suffice it to say, secret personal failings had caught up with me and disqualified me from being a JW, and this ex-communication immediately severed access and relationship with the 1000s of friends and family members I had been close to for 43 years.
This was the hardest day of my life.
A month later I separated from my ex after 17+ years of marriage together, and moved into my own place.
The day I moved out was the second hardest day of my life.
For the next few years I continued to desire an eventual "return to the fold", —even while in my ex-communicated state—and so attended the public JW meetings and continued to read the Bible daily, although nobody was allowed to talk to me because of my being kicked out of the congregation.
AUTUMN 2020 FORWARD
With the help of a fellow ex-JW, I became aware of some hard facts involving the GB captured in the book Crisis of Conscience, written by Ray Franz, a member of this same GB for 9 years, and major editor to several of the books that continue to be foundational texts for JWs worldwide (like Aid to Bible Understanding, from which the Insight volumes are substantively sourced).
Franz's book both blew my mind and destroyed my world, pulverizing my most deeply-held convictions to dust. If you're curious to learn more, I highly recommend checking his book out.
WARNING: If you're currently a JW, please be warned that you won't be able to un-see or un-learn what is inside, and it will not be easy. So think about whether or not you're ready to face the truth, before you check it out. I'm not joking.
Thanks to Franz' courageous insights and the support of some fellow ex-JWs, I'm not only out of the cult now, but have zero inclination to go back!
That being said, some of the parts of myself that I'm most proud of—a genuine desire to help people, familiarity and fondness of public speaking, analytical skills to think clearly, and respect for foundational truth (ironic, I know)—are all artifacts of my cult life.
And I appreciate them.
*Is cult really an accurate designation for the 8-million strong JW organization? Technically, a cult is led by an all-powerful charismatic human leader who claims special power and influence, and exercises thought-control over adherents. In the case of JWs, there are actually 8-10 people who possess this power—the Governing Body—combined into a composite super-entity that claim divine representation and authorization to the point that failure to believe any-and-every GB directive results in ex-communication. Perhaps super-cult would be a more accurate description.
